Outta the Blue
Abortion. The very word sparks controversy. Friends, siblings, parent and child all can argue for what seems like hours on end over such a simple word. Strong emotions swell on both sides. Tempers flare. Prides butt heads. Tears flow. It’s ridiculous how easy some get carried away by one word.
I have this fantasy where I’m in a parking lot in my car with the doors securely locked, and outside stand a radically “pro-life” Baptist pastor and, facing him, a staunch “pro-choice” women’s rights activist. In my fantasy, I crack my window enough to just stick my mouth out the top and cry at the top of my lungs a single word, “Abortion!!!” Let the games begin. I might keep the battle fiery by adding some spice here and there. “Pastor! She called your mother a whore!” To this ingeniously conceived comment I might add, “Women’s rights activist! Pastor told me that women are inherently of the devil, and only their own stupidity gives them an excuse for giving in to his temptations!” Snappy, eh? Believe it or not, I have a point.
As much as I would enjoy the aforementioned brawl, I have come up with a simple solution to the debate that has raged for years in our beloved nation. Yes, I, the infamous Man on the Streets, have come up with a solution to the problem that has had men at least 12,000 times more intelligent than me scratching their heads. I’ve looked at it from both sides, as a Catholic and as a ladies man. Kidding. I realize it is impossible for someone such as I, by which I mean someone with balls, to even begin to fathom what it is to be pregnant. In all seriousness, however, I can see the horrific inhumanness with which young or unmarried pregnant women are treated. Girls are abandoned by their lovers, labeled whores, even disowned by their families (God help them) for being pregnant. It saddens me immensely to picture what they’re faced with when placed in such a situation. A drowning feeling immediately comes to mind. I imagine sinking into icy water, neck outstretched, lips searching for the smallest taste of fresh air, arms and legs flailing wildly, searching for something, anything with which to pull myself above the surface; my entire body yearning with its every muscle and tendon to fill the lungs with sweet air.
Women who stick pregnancies out, alone or otherwise, are saints in my book. The very thought of a live baby pushing through any hole in my body, to be completely honest, gives me the willies. And I don’t use that term lightly. On the flip side, scientists right now for the most part agree that life begins at conception. If this is indeed accepted, then one cannot deny that abortion would, hypothetically (in this situation), be the taking of a human life. At any rate, most would agree that abortion is bad, “not good” at best. Even if the woman has not a single regret, she would usually agree that the procedure was extremely unpleasant and painful. A truly unwanted pregnancy can have only a few results. Either the? woman has the baby and keeps it or puts it up for adoption, or she gets an abortion.
I came up with an idea that would cut down on abortions (perhaps eventually eliminating them) while at the same time attempting (to the best of my ability) to make an unwanted pregnancy easier for women. Here goes. When a woman becomes pregnant, if the father is unknown or refuses to give the woman the support she needs and deserves, she has the option to have a free DNA test performed on the baby. I’m not sure of the logistics of this, but bear with me. The real father would then be bound by law to provide child-support money for the woman. What if the father is unemployed, you ask? Ha! Here’s one the Republicans will surely treat with certain disdain. The federal government would in that case make the payments (I think a certain portion of the father’s welfare should be tacked on to the woman’s check as well).
My idea is multi-faceted, my friends. The federal government, according to my idea, would employ qualified personal psychologists for all women who get abortions to help them deal with any post-procedure depression. A national support group for women dealing with abortions/unwanted pregnancies should also be set up. This group would be set up and run by women, and should also receive some money from the government to help set up more hotlines, web sites, etc. Also, though I admit it is somewhat idealistic, I think it would be awesome if the organization could set up comfortable group housing for younger women abandoned by their families because of an unwanted pregnancy. The housing would be easily affordable, but also set up in safe neighborhoods, kept up well (thanks to some federal funding), and run exclusively by women. Women who would have trouble paying for it would be helped, so that no woman who needed to wouldn’t be able to live in such a place. Though it would cost much money, I think that there would be a lot of private donations made to the group. Also, members who have, since joining, settled and stabilized themselves could provide excellent support for other women who experience the same things the aforementioned members already went through. I think that such a support group would not only be great for the poor countless women suffering under the burden of a pregnancy or recovering from the depression caused by an abortion or adoption, but also help reduce abortions drastically. No woman should be left alone to deal with what countless women are currently going through, and this organization would ensure that no woman did. It’s still just an idea, but it’s an idea that I think at least tries to reconcile both sides of the abortion issue.
Think my idea’s a load of crock? Got a way better one? Did you think it’s the greatest idea since Dr. Pepper? Or are you an attractive young woman looking to hook up with the Young Democrat of S.C. voted “most mind-blowingly attractive?” Email me at luke13@prodigy.net
Luke Coughlan
Man on the Streets
October 29th, 2006 at 8:45 pm
I think that this is a good idea Luke, but you should consider adding government funding of birth control. Fewer women would be pregnant if the government was paying for them to be on the pill.